living life in the deep end

we all go through at least part of our lives on cruise control — not giving much thought to the purposeful pursuit of our goals and dreams, not keeping the order of our priorities in the forefront of our consciousness, not being mindful of our own happiness.

the status quo, as difficult as it may be for some, is most often easier than the vast unknown that lies beyond.

a few brave souls decide to tap the brakes, grasp the wheel firmly in both hands, and take the course in their own direction and at their own speed.

for others of us, some external force slams on the brakes and spins the car around — and, like a blindfolded kid with a piñata, we strike out sightless.  all of our prior conceptions of the way the world works and our role in it are called into question.  we are forced to re-examine ourselves, our values, our goals, our purpose, what we want others to remember when we’re gone.

i feel so lucky to have been given this opportunity.  of course, it’s not what i would have dreamed or hoped for myself.  it’s shaken me to the core.  it’s made me begin the process of scrutinizing every fiber of my being under a microscope.  and it’s given me the freedom to keep what’s working, say goodbye to what’s not, and open myself up to a whole new world of possibilities.

the exact date and time of our own mortality is unknown to each of us.  but the awareness of my own — at what is supposed to be the prime of my life — has slapped me in the face and said, “wake up.  turn off the cruise control.  take off the blinders.  be present in your life.  be present in each moment.  live with purpose.  do not let the opportunity for happiness pass you by.”

i have said that i don’t want to let the cancer define me.  but perhaps, instead, i’m allowing it to redefine me.  or, better yet, it’s allowing me to redefine myself — and to be purposeful about each choice, each day, each moment, moving forward.

and so i choose, starting today, no more kiddie pool.  i’m jumping into the deep end — head first. heart first. feet first. everything first.

2 thoughts on “living life in the deep end

  1. Naomi, I learned about your blog from your mother. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, struggles and fears with the world. Your vulnerability and strength is inspiring. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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